Ode to Telemarketers

Oh, Telemarketers, how much do I hate you?
Let me count the ways
As I try to negotiate
Your conversation littered with
Open ended questions and
Your conviction that you are doing me
A favour

As you try to politely flog me a
New phone complete with
Camera and accessories
At no charge to me
Oh except for the 48 month contract for which I will end up paying thousands
I wonder if you realise how hard I am trying not to lose
My temper

How many times will you read your
Pile of drivel passing for a script
Before you'll realise that the 14 day holiday for two
At a hotel of my choice
Complete with restaurant vouchers and a fruit basket
Is not in any economically recognisable way
Totally free

Oh, Telemarketers, how much do I hate you?
Thank you for speaking with me
Let me take a few moments of your time
To tell you that if you wake
My napping baby one more time
With your unsolicited phone calls I will have to get
Very angry