Further poo tales
Sorry to keep banging on about this subject but I am in the middle of a fascinating yet putrid learning curve.
Here's my discovery of the day: when babies eat pureed kiwi fruit, THE BLACK SEEDS COME OUT EXACTLY THE SAME AS WHEN THEY WENT IN. I am sharing this with the world as a bit of public service so that innocent new parents don't freak out – like I did – when they open a nappy and find little bitty black things everywhere.
Ante natal classes should be restructured so that people can be prepared for this sort of thing. I don't know what they do teach in ante natal classes – I went to them once a week for 10 weeks, and I forgot everything the minute the first contraction came along – but we obviously need much more relevant information.
I learnt three things from my ante natal classes:
1. Our warm and cuddly midwife was replaced in week 3 by Ms Thin and Bony who was very abrupt and frightened everybody with statements like "It doesn't matter what pain relief you use, it's going to hurt." I'll bet everyone was hoping, just like me, that they didn't get her. But then when the time comes you realise that one abrupt no-nonsense carer is worth more than an army of soft hearted hippy mother types, because they are wonderfully firm when you are insisting that you can't do it anymore and they prevent you from giving up completely.
2. One midwife awkwardly manoeuvring a little plastic baby through a little plastic cervix IS IN NO WAY representational of what happens in real life with your real big baby and real bruised cervix.
3. When you turn up to ante natal classes with your brother, everyone stares at you and no-one really gets used to it.
Here's my discovery of the day: when babies eat pureed kiwi fruit, THE BLACK SEEDS COME OUT EXACTLY THE SAME AS WHEN THEY WENT IN. I am sharing this with the world as a bit of public service so that innocent new parents don't freak out – like I did – when they open a nappy and find little bitty black things everywhere.
Ante natal classes should be restructured so that people can be prepared for this sort of thing. I don't know what they do teach in ante natal classes – I went to them once a week for 10 weeks, and I forgot everything the minute the first contraction came along – but we obviously need much more relevant information.
I learnt three things from my ante natal classes:
1. Our warm and cuddly midwife was replaced in week 3 by Ms Thin and Bony who was very abrupt and frightened everybody with statements like "It doesn't matter what pain relief you use, it's going to hurt." I'll bet everyone was hoping, just like me, that they didn't get her. But then when the time comes you realise that one abrupt no-nonsense carer is worth more than an army of soft hearted hippy mother types, because they are wonderfully firm when you are insisting that you can't do it anymore and they prevent you from giving up completely.
2. One midwife awkwardly manoeuvring a little plastic baby through a little plastic cervix IS IN NO WAY representational of what happens in real life with your real big baby and real bruised cervix.
3. When you turn up to ante natal classes with your brother, everyone stares at you and no-one really gets used to it.
posted by Helen at 3:05 pm
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