Bad mother file
This is where I will be brutally honest and record the less than perfect things I do as a mother, because I figure if I am going to tell the good I should tell the bad as well. No point trying to pretend that I am super mum 'cos it sure aint true.
Anna fell off her change table today and hit the ground. It was horrible. She landed like a sky diver, arms and legs akimbo and face first, and my heart just about smashed into a million pieces. I think about it now – hours later – and my heart still skips. I try not to think about it now but the image of her landing on the floor just half a foot away from me has burnt itself on my retina and I can't shake it.
I still don't know how she did it; she toppled off the end – not the side – away from her feet. She must have turned all the way around, and then been sort of half sitting up somehow. I was getting something from underneath the table, and I had neither my hands nor my eyes on her. I have read a zillion times in every book ever written about babies not to take your hands off them for even one tiny second, and I still did it. I can't even begin to explain how I thought it would be ok because right now, in hindsight, all of my reasons sound really, really dumb.
I took her to the medical centre to get checked out and thankfully, a doctor said she'd be fine. I thought her brand new little tooth might have been knocked out. I thought she might have damaged her jaw, or got a concussion. As it turns out, apparently babies' bones are very soft at this age and rarely break. I have to look out for certain signs (loss of limb control, vomiting, fitting, – duh – listlessness, etc) and if necessary, take her to A&E. I think it might be a fitful night sleep for me as I will be wanting to check on her every 5 minutes.
She has a little tiny graze mark on her chin, poor baby, which to me looks like a great big flashing red beacon saying 'Bad mother! Bad mother!'
I sent a text to my sister while waiting to see the Doctor because it was a busy, impersonal place and I wanted someone to tell me that I wasn't as bad as I was feeling. I knew her son had also fallen at about the same age and I was after some solidarity. Big luvvies to her as she sent back a message straight away telling me it wouldn't be Anna's first fall and "they all grow up eventually". Someone give that woman a bouquet.
Anna fell off her change table today and hit the ground. It was horrible. She landed like a sky diver, arms and legs akimbo and face first, and my heart just about smashed into a million pieces. I think about it now – hours later – and my heart still skips. I try not to think about it now but the image of her landing on the floor just half a foot away from me has burnt itself on my retina and I can't shake it.
I still don't know how she did it; she toppled off the end – not the side – away from her feet. She must have turned all the way around, and then been sort of half sitting up somehow. I was getting something from underneath the table, and I had neither my hands nor my eyes on her. I have read a zillion times in every book ever written about babies not to take your hands off them for even one tiny second, and I still did it. I can't even begin to explain how I thought it would be ok because right now, in hindsight, all of my reasons sound really, really dumb.
I took her to the medical centre to get checked out and thankfully, a doctor said she'd be fine. I thought her brand new little tooth might have been knocked out. I thought she might have damaged her jaw, or got a concussion. As it turns out, apparently babies' bones are very soft at this age and rarely break. I have to look out for certain signs (loss of limb control, vomiting, fitting, – duh – listlessness, etc) and if necessary, take her to A&E. I think it might be a fitful night sleep for me as I will be wanting to check on her every 5 minutes.
She has a little tiny graze mark on her chin, poor baby, which to me looks like a great big flashing red beacon saying 'Bad mother! Bad mother!'
I sent a text to my sister while waiting to see the Doctor because it was a busy, impersonal place and I wanted someone to tell me that I wasn't as bad as I was feeling. I knew her son had also fallen at about the same age and I was after some solidarity. Big luvvies to her as she sent back a message straight away telling me it wouldn't be Anna's first fall and "they all grow up eventually". Someone give that woman a bouquet.
posted by Helen at 10:18 pm
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